Independence-- Vive le Difference!- Part IV

On the other hand, Matthew and I talk about temperaments and personality rather than gender. He's read many of the same books as I have, lived overlapping experiences, ascribes to similar theories. We talk about Personality Plus, which was a seminal book for me. For the first time I experienced a framework in which I was not schizophrenic or insane, merely...multifaceted. More importantly, that same paradigm revealed that certain friends and clients aren't lazy or ditzy or arrogant or overbearing, just inclined to different temperaments. Wow. Talk about a powerful tool.

There is always the argument in classification: on the one hand labeling is dangerously restrictive, imposing structure and meaning where perhaps none exists. On the other hand, what is language itself but a body of labels which allows us to earmark objects and experiences for recognition as well as further interaction and reflection?

Double edged sword--no sabre, this. There's a flip side to every coin. No joy without anguish. No revelation without suffering. No liberation without submission--even in language. As Tink is so fond of saying, it all comes down to the choice. You can choose to use classification to liberate, or to enslave. I choose liberation!

I blew off a fourth of July party to work towards my upcoming trip. Band-aids on blisters, I'm outta here!

Happy Independence Day!

Independence-- Vive le Difference!- Part Thr33

A few weeks ago I have separate campfire conversations with Mannie and Matthew. Mannie tries to convince me the differences between gender are absolute. "Men are more mechanical" he informs me. I think about The Mechanic, who (along with divine providence and a daily dose of miracles) kept my old Buick running until little Joy, my Subaru, came into my life; and about Cy and Wolf, who can coax eager cooperation from the most cantankerous computer. I am eternally grateful--I couldn't do it without them. But then I think about Ginnie, or my mom, or even myself in a pinch, who can MacGyver vital solutions in the face of any impossibility.

"Women are more emotional," Mannie continues. Arighty, I resemble that one. As do all the important women in my life, because in caring comes deep experience, fierce assertiveness, and powerful protectiveness. Yet every one of these women has such deep strength as to sublimate her own emotions to the cause at hand. Not subjugate: feelings are still recognized and honored. But they are given no more authority than their nature commands.

As we talk, my sock feet are balanced on the edge of the firepit, relishing the heat and freedom. Mannie keeps hassling me to put on my shoes. I finally get paranoid- "do my feet stink or something?!"

I take a whiff. Fragrant as any self-respecting feet on a camping trip, but not overwhelming. Mannie heads off to his hammock. I eventually go to put on my shoes--and the laces are intricately woven together. "Women are more mature than men!" In this moment, I'd agree with that one-- but for the pranks I'd pulled on him earlier.

Independence-- Vive le Difference!- Part Dieux

Greg was the perfect big brother. He deserves sainthood for humoring me through the years. But one night I pushed him too far. I don't even remember the circumstances, I was just goofing around. He just picked me up, carried me to the elevator, put me in, pushed the button and sent me DOWN. and there wasn't anything I could do about it.

Now, I'd always been active and pretty assured of my strength(and apparently well-humored by my friends, most of whom were guys.) Greg was a deskbound computer geek (for which I was profoundly grateful--this was in the internet's embryonic days, and I was much happier pounding around on my mountain bike or slashing people with sabres than staring at a screen learning UNIX.) That day I realized that a) he's a lot bigger b)he's a lot heavier and c) despite his couch-potato status, he's stronger. That last one was a tough pill to swallow.

But it's OK. After a lifetime futilely tearing up my body to prove to no-one I'm worth the air I breathe, I recognize its OK to honor my limitations. And that in turn allows me to honor and be extremely grateful for (big, strong) generous friends like Cy and James.

Independence-- Vive le Difference!

They say women have more neural integration between the segments of their brains, hence their superior ability to simultaneously access multiple areas and multitask. Nothing like leaving your businesses for a week to fire your ganglia into a manic synaptic square dance.

What's happening in the office and at the bank for the next week or so that needs to be taken care of before I leave? What farmwork might come up that I can address now? Fencelines to be checked, supplies to order, a horse sale to complete and a few others to further along. What can I anticipate that might come up that I can cover NOW and save scrambling by my substitutes? What do I need for my work up north? What do I want to accomplish in my "spare" time while I'm gone? Talk about neural integration!

Now, I believe men and women are equally valuable, but we are far from equal. All the same, I wonder about claimed gender differences. Some things are no brainers-most men are stronger physically than most women. The moment I realized this is indelibly printed in my mind:

I ended up at the same college as Greg, a good friend's big brother. He was as surprised as I was. "How did YOU end up at an engineering school?" he asked, incredulous. "Well, the school flower is the dandelion. That's my favorite flower. You can make crowns, and wine, and wishes from them...."

I thought it made more sense than a lot of the criteria my classmates were using in their college searches. Truth be told, it was the last thing I wanted to be bothered with.